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Lisa Jeffs: Welcome to the confident, connected leader, podcast I’m your host, Lisa Jeffs. And to day we are talking about one of my favorite subjects, one of my favorite subjects to teach about, to help
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Lisa Jeffs: eliminate from people’s lives sabotage. and really interesting fact.
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And please don’t. Fact, check me on this because I quickly googled it before this, so it may not be completely accurate. But
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Lisa Jeffs: what I Googled, was that sabotage comes from the French word sabot, and I hope I pronounce that right.
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Lisa Jeffs: And apparently it was derived from industrial workers throwing wooden shoes in machinery to sabotage
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Lisa Jeffs: the work environment. And I forgive me, because I can’t remember exactly why, but I’m sure it was working conditions that weren’t great. But this goes into.
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Lisa Jeffs: you know, sabotage is really about, you know, kind of blowing up and not in a good way
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Lisa Jeffs: our own progress. Or and I’m gonna talk specifically about sabotaging. You know, leadership, whether
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Lisa Jeffs: you are, you know, leading a team leading a project? Leading a mission.
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Lisa Jeffs: or it’s your own vision that you’re s simply sabotaging. We’re going to talk a little bit about why that happens, because you really gotta see sabotage in a new light
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Lisa Jeffs: without the self blame and the
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Lisa Jeffs: and guilt, and all those really lower vibrational emotions that can go with sabotage. You know I’m
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Lisa Jeffs: happy that sabotage is talked about more often now, and it’s not such a hush-hush thing that people are so
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Lisa Jeffs: filled with so much shame about during the pandemic. I believe, or slightly before then. I have. I have a blog on my site, and it just blew up with hits. It was the most visited blog on my entire site.
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Lisa Jeffs: and I knew that there was
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a need for support.
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Lisa Jeffs: Because for me, you know one of my.
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Lisa Jeffs: you know reasons why I love talking about and love supporting people and and supporting clients with sabotage is because I’ve been through my own.
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In fact, it’s one of the
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Lisa Jeffs: what I use in my practice when we look at the shadow archetypes. and we can get deeper into that in another episode.
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But shadow archetypes, such as the saboteur.
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Lisa Jeffs: such as the victim, the martyr. These are all aspects, shadow aspects that can reside within us, and for myself the saboteur was always the one that was very prominent. Those of you who aren’t familiar with my story. My saboteur came in, guns blazing
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Lisa Jeffs: at the height of an expansion in my business. It was.
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I had had my best year
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Lisa Jeffs: financially, and just in general.
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Lisa Jeffs: and my next year was set to be about 5 times as expansive. and I remember
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Lisa Jeffs: a moment
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Lisa Jeffs: in my bathtub, where I literally felt like I was contracting. I just felt like I was going inward. My energy was completely contracted, and it felt like I had
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Lisa Jeffs: bricks on my legs, and I knew
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Lisa Jeffs: that I was gonna have challenges, moving forward that my saboteur was coming out to play. So let’s talk about why the saboteur comes out. Why, you may be sabotaging your growth forward, and this can come at any point in your journey.
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Lisa Jeffs: Often it comes at a point where you wouldn’t expect it to, doesn’t always come at the beginning. A lot of times. At the beginning we feel safer because we really haven’t stretched out of our safety zone. So the safety zone or the safety line is a reference that I refer to as
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Lisa Jeffs: anything within this safety zone, or anything within below the safety line at or below the safety line is where we feel safe.
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Lisa Jeffs: It’s where we feel comfortable. And it’s where we will typically remain unless we are actively stretching beyond our comfort zone.
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Lisa Jeffs: This is why you see a lot of people
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Lisa Jeffs: or groups of people, and they just they’re just kind of at the same place, right? They’re just kind of at the same place. If you think about your some of your family or your friends, maybe in the past.
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Lisa Jeffs: that they all kind of hovering in the same financial bracket, the same, you know. They may have the same kind of size house, the same driving, the same cars, whatever that is, doesn’t. There’s no
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Lisa Jeffs: limit to what that looks like. But it’s all kind of the same, because they’re all in that safety zone. They’re all comfortable. And what we typically do is when we are in our journey when we’re in our leadership journey, when we’re growing our work in whatever fashion that is for you, we’re going to hit a point that is beyond what
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Lisa Jeffs: our internal thermostat says is safe.
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Lisa Jeffs: Now, I’m not going to say that everyone sabotages because we all have our different challenges that we go through. But if you are sabotaging and it can be, it doesn’t have to be.
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Lisa Jeffs: you know, when I say sabotage, it doesn’t have to be some just epic, just, you know you’re burning everything down and just like hot mess sabotage, which it can be at times. And I have definitely been there. So there’s absolutely no judgment on my end.
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But often it’s a very subtle.
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Lisa Jeffs: and you’re going to know that you are sabotaging because you’re you’re gonna have no growth. You’re gonna be at the same place. Basically, you’re gonna be at the same financial place. You’re gonna be at the same, you know, projects you’re doing. It’s just gonna be the same. And if you’ve had
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Lisa Jeffs: bigger goals or a bigger vision for a while.
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Lisa Jeffs: right? I say, you know, 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years! There’s a good chance as that. There’s is part of you that is
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Lisa Jeffs: stopping your progress. It’s sabotaging the progress. So why do we sabotage? We sabotage as self-protection?
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Lisa Jeffs: That’s it. We’re not sabota, you know your inner saboteurs not coming in to drive you crazy, or to make your life hell. It’s coming in
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Lisa Jeffs: to protect you.
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Lisa Jeffs: And when we can know and really embody that and understand that we’re able to work with this abateur. Understand? What is the reason I’m keeping myself safe?
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Lisa Jeffs: Is it that I’m I’m terrified of rejection? Is it that I’ve built myself, or or built my work up to a certain place. And now I’m scared of ruining my reputation or something not going right.
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Lisa Jeffs: And it it again. It it basically, it ruins the reputation that I built so far
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Lisa Jeffs: a huge one that I see
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Lisa Jeffs: over and over and over again is fear of
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Lisa Jeffs: success.
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Lisa Jeffs: It’s and this is especially prevalent when I work with purpose. Driven leaders.
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Lisa Jeffs: highly sensitive leaders who really have a
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Lisa Jeffs: a, a desire to keep everyone feeling good. They don’t want to their success to intimidate others, or have others feel bad that they haven’t achieved the same things, or they don’t want to lose
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Lisa Jeffs: that love from others. That’s a core. you know, when we really break sabotage down to its core.
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Lisa Jeffs: it’s a fear of being abandoned. It’s a fear of being rejected. It’s those core wounds that get triggered. and it’s often connected to not feeling worthy enough.
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Lisa Jeffs: So we’re not going to get into all the, you know, bits and pieces of how to move through it in this episode. But no.
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Lisa Jeffs: that if you or are sabotaging, you’re aware of that. Release the judgment because the judgment of I’m doing something bad. I’m wrong. I’m somehow dysfunctional, because I’m sabotaging.
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That’s going to keep you in a loop with it.
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Lisa Jeffs: Right? That’s going to keep you in this sabotage loop, because you’re judging it. and part of the healing that we do is integrating
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Lisa Jeffs: saboteur, and that means releasing judgment and just seeing it for what it is just being curious about it of oh.
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Lisa Jeffs: I’m in the same place that II have been for 2 years. That’s interesting. What is going on. What is? Why am I keeping myself
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Lisa Jeffs: in the same place? What is it giving me? What is a positive payoff?
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Lisa Jeffs: And what is the truth to this situation.
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Lisa Jeffs: You know for me one of my biggest reasons for keeping myself that the sabotage came on was fear of judgment and fear of success, which often go hand in hand.
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Lisa Jeffs: And it was it had me in a hold for a while. I really had to release that judgment.
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especially when you’ve you know you’ve gotten to a certain place in your work or your whatever you’re doing, your projects, your business, and and then
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Lisa Jeffs: it suddenly hits you. It can bring on a whole new sense of like what is wrong with me.
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Lisa Jeffs: I was fine. And now, suddenly, I’m I’m backtracking. This is really important that you release a judgment, and if you need to hire someone, hire someone to work with you.
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Lisa Jeffs: a professional, a coach. a therapist who can bring in new light because you don’t want to go down the spiral of
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Lisa Jeffs: self critical talk when you’re dealing with sabotage, you really want to just see it for what it is. Oh, this is interesting!
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Lisa Jeffs: Why am I doing this? What do I need? What is a part of me.
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whether that’s your inner child
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Lisa Jeffs: or it’s up. It’s your saboteur. What is? What are those parts of me need to feel safe so I can move forward confidently. I don’t care if you’ve been sabotaging your entire life
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Lisa Jeffs: often these are patterns that have been present for a while. You may not have noticed them. You may not have been aware of them for a long time.
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but they’re usually not something that just comes out of the blue.
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Lisa Jeffs: I don’t care how long. I don’t care if you’ve been doing it for decades. You can move through the sabotage and get to the other side. And a big part of it is the awareness around it.
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It’s taking full ownership. It’s not blaming, and anyone else.
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Lisa Jeffs: and it’s seeing it for what it is a protective pattern.